I’m not a fan of figure skating or most musicals. As big of a sports fan as I am, I don’t even like hockey since I can’t skate a lick. Basically if it has anything to do with ice I’m probably tuning out.
But on Saturday, the Boston Bruins’ home ice was transformed into a living, breathing, triple-toe-looping rendition of Toy Story 3. And Will LOVED it.
I had no idea what to expect because I can’t remember attending anything like this as a kid, and certainly not as a parent. First of all I wondered if Will would even sit through a two-hour performance. He’s not even 3 yet and I feared a meltdown halfway through. I also wondered if all the lights and hoopla would scare him. And finally, I wondered if I’d be able to get through such a performance without copious amounts of Sam Adams.
Turns out my worries were moot.
First of all, we took the train into Boston and that was almost as exciting as the show for Will. The kid loves trains and all he kept saying was “Subway train take us to Boston Garden!” As an added bonus, we got to go with our good friends Alicia and Vic, and our godson Vic III. They were absolutely enthralled by the subway and could barely contain themselves.
When we got to the Garden it was a madhouse! There were kids everywhere and the noise dwarfed even the most rowdy Celtics and Bruins crowds. Although the amount of vomit and errant urine on the floor remained the same.
Our seats revealed a spectacular view of the ice, but we still hadn’t told Will exactly what was going on. That’s why what happened next was so cool.
As much as he loves Toy Story, Will’s first love is Mickey Mouse. So when Mickey, Minnie, Donald and Goofy made a surprise appearance on the ice before the show, he was floored. He didn’t like it very much when Mickey went away, and he wasn’t too impressed with Andy figure skating around the ice to open the show. But then the lights dimmed, the music started to crescendo and suddenly the main cast burst out onto the ice with a roar.
But I wasn’t watching that. I wanted to see Will’s reaction. I was hoping for that picture-perfect moment when he sees Ham, Rex, Woody, Buzz, Jessie and Bullseye and flips out with happiness. That didn’t happen though. Instead, he was stunned. Happily stunned, but absolutely overcome with sensory overload. Basically his expression looked like mine would have if the Swedish Bikini Team walked into my house naked while telling me I won the lottery and presenting me with a check for $20 million.
For the next hour he didn’t move. He just stared. The kid who gets distracted by shiny (and even not-so-shiny) objects was GLUED to the action on the ice. The costumes were part of it (did they have midgets skating in the two-man Bullseye and Slinky Dog outfits??) but the other part was the skating. It was like a mini Olympics out there, with some truly skilled performers gliding, leaping and even flying around the ice. I was impressed.
The Woody’s Round-Up segment was a big crowd-pleaser, and I really liked the collection of Green Army Men who displayed some impressive synchronicity. I thought the Barbie and Ken part lasted too long (and was more than a little suggestive), but it probably went over the kids’ heads.
But as great as the show itself was, the second half was ruined by two of the rudest people on the face of the Earth sitting behind us.
Two women and a young boy, about 4, sat behind us after the intermission. I heard them coming a mile away, thanks to their loud and obnoxious entrance. And as the performers came out for the second act, one woman screamed a loud “WOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!” that caused Will to cover his ears and gave us all a whiff of the Bloody Marys she was consuming prior to the show. The next 10 minutes consisted of her and the other woman giving an ignorant running commentary of every single that happened.
“Yeah Barbie, you go girl!”
“Oooh Oooh Oooh, I love this song: I’m walkin’ on sunshine…WOAH OH!”
“Ohmygodohmygod, Potato Head lost his eye. YOUR EYE FELL OFF POTATO HEAD!”
Alicia and Vic were sitting farther down the row and eying them with just as much contempt. But when Alicia turned to give them a stern look, she was floored. Apparently these two women were a couple, which is fine. But what wasn’t fine was the fact that they were inappropriately groping each other’s lady parts during the frickin’ show!
My wife, who hadn’t seen the public display of affection, finally turned around and asked them to quiet down. But because they were quite obviously white trash morons, they started jawing back at us. At which point I turned around and joined in the argument. That’s when they dropped this doozy on us:
“What’s your problem? You have issues with lesbians sitting here and enjoying themselves?”
First of all I hadn’t even realized they were gay. Second, I didn’t give a shit. Which is why I said “I don’t care if you’re gay, straight or have sex with farm animals. Take a cue from your well-behaved kid and shut up and watch the show. Because right now you sound ridiculously dumb.
But they didn’t quiet down. Instead they got a little louder and wouldn’t stop making comments about me and MJ. And then, I heard one of them not-so-quietly whisper “I bet their kid’s a real brat.”
Oh no no no you didn’t.
I turned around and asked them if that was their kid. They said yes. Then I got heated:
“Well I was just wondering, because he seems extraordinarily well-behaved. Certainly better than his ignorant, loud-mouthed parents who are making fools of themselves at a kids’ show. My kid has been covering his ears and turning around to ‘shoosh’ you because even he’s got better manners than you do. So why don’t you do the rest of us a favor and crawl back to the uneducated hole you came from.”
As you can imagine, the rest of the show wasn’t so pleasant. I know I could’ve called security, but their kid was really sweet and he was enjoying himself. Kids shouldn’t be punished because of how stupid their parents are.
Anyways, the show was fantastic despite the distractions. And anyone who lives in New England should make it a point to visit Disney on Ice and check out showtimes. It’s running all this week (school vacation) through Feb. 27. For $25 per ticket you get Lower Loge seats, which are great, but if you want to upgrade you can pay $55 for VIP floor seats or $90 for front row.
Also, I recommend doing what MJ did beforehand. The amount of ridiculously overpriced toys that light up and spin around are endless. And your kid WILL want one. But MJ went out and bought some inexpensive Toy Story toys at the store before the show, so Will already had a new toy to play with. Granted he still wanted the “cool” toys, but we avoided a full-blown meltdown because he already had something to play with.
But it’s definitely worth the money and your kids will flippin’ love it!
DISCLAIMER: Our tickets were provided free of charge by Feld Entertainment. However, as always, my opinions are my own.