“The Sway”

The four-legged kids needed more food, so I stopped at the local pet store on Friday to grab the ultra fucking expensive nutritious dog food that doesn’t cause them to break out in allergic rashes.

So I went straight to the back and scooped up the 30-pound bag. I made my way to the cash register but this woman — who must’ve had 76 different pets as indicated by the dog toys, cat food and bird seed she was buying — had half the store on the counter.

So I waited patiently while holding the dog food with both hands. After about five minutes Dr. Doolittle finally left the store and I walked up to the cashier. And that’s when she caught me off guard.

“How old is your baby?” the woman said with a knowing smile.

“Wha…ummm…do I know you?” I stammered as I tried to figure out how she knew about Will.

“No, you don’t know me. But you’re cradling that bag of dogfood like a baby and you’re swaying back and forth.”

And sure enough, I was doing exactly that. Didn’t even realize it, but she was absolutely right. I was holding the bag of dog food ever so gently, swaying back and forth like I was trying to put it to sleep.

I think every parent starts “The Sway” as soon as they hold their baby for the first time and it’s something that never goes away. The minute you hold a baby from there on out, “The Sway” kicks in automatically.

And apparently it kicks in even when you’re holding an inanimate object that weighs the same as your son.

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10 thoughts on ““The Sway”

  1. So….I am not the only one? I sway sometimes just being on the phone and hearing Matt in the background! Motherhood…PARENTHOOD really messes with your mind…..

  2. This phenomena also carries over to supermarkets. You will find yourself rocking your produce and dry goods in your cart (baby or no baby) gently back and forth as soon as you stand still or get into the checkout line.

  3. LMAO! I’ve been called out on that too. Wait until MJ hands you your dinner plate and you realize she has unconsciously cut up all your meat, lol.

  4. Usually when they ask how old your baby is at the pet store they mean your pet. I alway get confused, look at them strangely and say….”I don’t have kids. What are you talking about”

  5. Your 11 month old can’s be as heavy as the big bag of dog food already! I can’t wait until the 12 month appointment to see what my lil man Stan weighs in at. He’s sure feeling heavier; though always been in the lesser percentiles for weight, so now way near the weight of a big bag of dog food yet.

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