The four-legged kids needed more food, so I stopped at the local pet store on Friday to grab the ultra fucking expensive nutritious dog food that doesn’t cause them to break out in allergic rashes.
So I went straight to the back and scooped up the 30-pound bag. I made my way to the cash register but this woman — who must’ve had 76 different pets as indicated by the dog toys, cat food and bird seed she was buying — had half the store on the counter.
So I waited patiently while holding the dog food with both hands. After about five minutes Dr. Doolittle finally left the store and I walked up to the cashier. And that’s when she caught me off guard.
“How old is your baby?” the woman said with a knowing smile.
“Wha…ummm…do I know you?” I stammered as I tried to figure out how she knew about Will.
“No, you don’t know me. But you’re cradling that bag of dogfood like a baby and you’re swaying back and forth.”
And sure enough, I was doing exactly that. Didn’t even realize it, but she was absolutely right. I was holding the bag of dog food ever so gently, swaying back and forth like I was trying to put it to sleep.
I think every parent starts “The Sway” as soon as they hold their baby for the first time and it’s something that never goes away. The minute you hold a baby from there on out, “The Sway” kicks in automatically.
And apparently it kicks in even when you’re holding an inanimate object that weighs the same as your son.