Traveling with a Child

I’ve heard so many horror stories about traveling long distanced with kids. So by the time we left Cape Cod for Pennsylvania yesterday I was ready for Will to suddenly sprout horns, his head to rotate a full 360 degrees as he projectile vomits pea soup all over us.

But as usual, the kid was aces. In fact the biggest issues MJ and I had were fighting with each other.

MJ and I are total opposites in general, but especially when it comes to taking trips. I pack everything at the very last minute. She starts planning and packing two weeks in advance. I get very excited and happy to take a trip, while she slowly but surely works her panties into a supersized bunch which leads to an ugly and inevitable anxiety attack. And maybe worst of all, we had to wake up at 4:30 a.m. to beat the traffic in Connecticut and New York City. I’m a total morning person. Happy, excited and in a great mood. And I don’t even drink coffee so it just happens automatically. MJ is a friggin zombie in the morning and the only thing worse than the sheer act of waking up that early, is dealing with someone who is bright-eyed and bushy-tailed.

That’s probably why sparks started to fly as soon as we were getting ready to leave.

We had to take two cars up to my parent’s house because I’m going to the Patriots game on Monday night and I’ll be driving home by myself after the game. I told MJ I needed gas money because I was empty. She rolled her eyes and said something about having to go to the ATM. Then the following conversation occurred:

Me: “You don’t have to go to the ATM. I have a five I can use.”

MJ: “Five bars?”

Me: (Thoroughly confused by her comment) “Huh? No. Five dollars.”

(MJ is now staring daggers at me, which I take for her confusion)

Me: “Five dollars MJ. You know, like as in U.S. currency.”

MJ: “You’re a cock!”

Yep, that’s right. The train hadn’t even pulled out of the station and already my wife called me a cock. I’d say that qualifies as a stellar start.

Then, a few hours later as a rest area, we were getting some lunch when I noticed something that made my heart soar. MJ had put Will’s shoes on backwards. Now, a good dad would’ve just switched his shoes to the right feet, said nothing and gone on his merry way. But as my loving wife already established, I’m a complete cock.

Me: “Hey, is there something wrong with Will’s feet?”

MJ: “What do you mean? What’s wrong?”

Me: “It looks like maybe something is wrong with his shoes or something.”

MJ: (as it sinks in) “Dammit.”

Me: “That’s some nice mothering.”

The next line of dialogue wasn’t talking so much as her smacking me. But we both laughed about that one.

All in all it was a good trip. We missed most of the traffic and Will was fantastic. He only cried a couple of times and we managed to keep him entertained and occupied when he wasn’t sleeping. the kid just really likes to be in the car which is a great thing.

The hotel room is like a little mini-suite so we have a hotel crib we can put in our living room, close the doors and then sleep in our HUGE king-sized bed. But unfortunately around 4:30 a.m. Will started screaming bloody murder and we had to put him our bed to calm him down. Now I’m letting MJ sleep while Will and I play out in the living room and watch Mickey Mouse Club House.

At lunch I’ll be off to have an authentic Philly cheese steak!

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7 thoughts on “Traveling with a Child

  1. Wow, you are a cock. Haha. Seriously, though? My husband and I could have had those same exact conversations. I am like MJ while my husband is more like you. Long trips in the car are bad for our marriage. We spend the first 20 minutes bickering about inane things and then barely speak for the rest of the ride. Though it’s better since the kids have gotten older and are now quick to tell us we’re acting immature.

  2. At 4:30 in the morning I am the worst person on earth. I don’t like you morning people either. Have fun at the game and with the cheese steak.

  3. I’m sorry but I am not a morning person and don’t like morning people either. My husband is an absolute morning person and goes around singing “Oh What a Beautiful Morning” just to get a rise out of the three female non-morning people in the house. Very Funny.

  4. I am definitely the no coffee upbeat morning person. Glad that Will was great on your ride and that you and MJ could laugh about some of your disagreements!
    A little bit jealous that you are going to the Pat’s game! Cheer loud!

  5. I hate mornings almost as much as I hate Vampire Bill!!! He is the worst excuse for a vamp I’ve ever seen. I’ve been so disgusted with that whole show for the last four episodes. Pathetic plot line and horrible, horrible acting. The writing was so stupid that almost none of those actors could sell it. What a letdown!! It started out great this season. Bring on Dexter.

  6. HAHAHA Retribution rocks! My wife and I frequently have episodes like this. I have to admit to a certain amount of glee when I can have a gotcha moment like that 🙂

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