Trippy Baby Einstein

This post also appeared on in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

No Teletubbies!!

Will would not stop fussing one day last week, so MJ decided to break out one of the seemingly hundreds of DVDs we received before he was born.

Now I had heard about Baby Einstein from a lot of people. It’s popularity was evident when we received the entire collection. I never had the opportunity to check it out, so we figured we’d pop one in and see what all the hoopla is about.

Will absolutely loved it!! He was transfixed and completely silent, taking in every sight and sound. For those of you who don’t know, Baby Einstein videos are supposed to help children be little geniuses and they capture kids’ attention by using bright colors, loud noises, etc. Basically it’s a bunch of sock puppets making baby noises at each other and then the screen explodes in sky blues, or bright yellows and then soothing sounds come on. And Will took to it like a junkie to a crack pipe!

And speaking of drugs, I’m now convinced some savvy businessman could make a fortune selling these DVDs to stoned college kids. Some of the videos are really trippy and although they don’t always make sense, you just can’t stop watching them. And pretty soon you’re hypnotized as they cast a spell over you. I could just picture sitting around with my friends back in college when if I smoked pot, giggling and laughing and being in total awe of the sock puppets who I’m sure would’ve given me a brand new revelation about life.

But more important, I realized that very soon, the TV will no longer be my own. It will belong to Will. So instead of SportsCenter, Red Sox games and my favorite sitcoms I have a feeling I’m going to be watching the complete collection of Baby Einstein as my brain slowly turns to mush and I lose the ability to think rationally.

 I just hope that whole Teletubbies fad is over because I watched them once and they scared the hell out of me. Seriously, those things are evil. No doubt led by Tinkie Winkie, the one Jerry Falwell accused of being gay and promoting the homosexual agenda.

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4 thoughts on “Trippy Baby Einstein

  1. I refuse to let my kids watch the teletubbies. Regression at it’s most annoying. They’re only allowed to watch Noggin, Sprout or movies that I choose. There are Disney movies I won’t even let them watch because people insist on putting adult themes into children’s cartoons. They watched Shark Tale and went around singing ‘I like big butts and I cannot lie’ because some genius thought it would be a cute song to cut to in the movie.

    My 9 year old is seriously rebelling against Sprout and Noggin, which I understand. I started buying him cartoons on DVD to cut out the commercial influence accompanying most kids channels. We watch a lot of ‘retro’ cartoons too and you realize how much the world has changed when you’re stunned to see Tom and Jerry chain smoking and getting drunk, lol. From a child rearing point of view, I have to wonder just what my parents were thinking.

  2. Noggin is great!

    David learns so much from that station…it’s not that only allow him to watch it, it’s the only thing he wants to watch. But I also believe if you hide everything from your kid, your doomed…if they see something don’t pretend it’s not there…acknowledge and teach it to your kids. Death for example, it’s going to happen…violence it’s going to happen…arm them, don’t shelter them.

  3. My oldest son just never got into Baby Einstein. We too got a few as shower gifts and my son could have cared less. One actually had things in like 5 different languages – the only one I could understand was English. I do let him watch PBS or The Disney Channel. But he is now Two – way past Baby Einstein. I do agree that you will loose your TV time to a degree. We only have on certain kid shows at certain times. This way we can still get in the news, favorite shows and football games – which by the way my son loves to watch! This also allows me to choose which shows not only entertain my son, but also teaches him something too. But when it comes to a fussy baby, hey use what works!! I know I have!

  4. No Aaron! You do not have to give up the Sox for the Teletubbies! My daughter is about to turn 1 and we’ve never put any of those dvds on for her and she’s no worse for the wear (nor are we). She will, however, sit transfixed while Pedroia hits a 2-run homer or Jacoby makes an amazing catch in centerfield. They’re babies – they will like what they know so before its too late teach that boy to like the Sox, NOT sock puppets!

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