This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.
Look, I know it’s Sept. 11 and I should probably be reflecting on the lives lost, the significance of what happened 7 years ago and the ongoing War on Terror. But instead, I’d like to talk about my son’s genitals.
In yet another one of those “milestones” we keep talking about, I’d like to take this opportunity to proudly announce that my son has discovered his twig and berries!
I was changing his diaper yesterday at about 5 a.m. I took the dirty one off, wiped him and after getting a new diaper I turned back to Will and saw it. He’s gotten into a habit of grabbing at his diaper just above the crotch, and with the diaper removed he was finally able to get at the good. Laying on the changing table — content as can be — his right hand was firmly around his junk. Then he moved onto his coin purse and just started grabbing away like Julio Lugo during an at-bat.
I won’t lie, I was proud. I know it seems silly to be proud of a baby for finding his ding dong, but I look at it as a rite of passage. Besides, if he’s anything like his old man (or the rest of the male population), he’s likely found himself a lifelong hobby.
But unlike other milestones, I did not rush to tell my wife about this one. You see, she’s very much against the whole fondling yourself thing. If she had seen him doing it she would’ve put a stop to it immediately. I know from personal experience. She’s always saying “Aaron get your hands out of your pants!” or “Put that away, we have company over!” And I at least wanted Will’s first crotch-grabbing adventure to be unadulterated and uninterrupted.
So why do guys do this? I honestly don’t know. But I do know I do it without even thinking about it. Maybe I’m just bored or maybe it’s comforting. But I can tell you it’s a time honored tradition among men and it warmed my heart seeing my little guy playing with his wee-wee.
One day, when he’s old enough, we will spend our first Sunday together watching football. We’ll have junk food, I’ll cook some burgers on the grill and we’ll both sit on the couch with a hand down our pants a la Al Bundy, grunting and cheering for our team and ignoring Mom who will be utterly disgusted.
I’d also like to take this time to say THANK GOD I have a boy. I’m not sure how I’d fare with vaginas, boobies and periods and I think boys are 100 times easier!