Welcome to Your Crotch, My Son

This post also appeared on www.capecodonline.com/blogs in the opinion section of the Cape Cod Times, a division of Ottaway Newspapers, Inc.

Look, I know it’s Sept. 11 and I should probably be reflecting on the lives lost, the significance of what happened 7 years ago and the ongoing War on Terror. But instead, I’d like to talk about my son’s genitals.

In yet another one of those “milestones” we keep talking about, I’d like to take this opportunity to proudly announce that my son has discovered his twig and berries!

I was changing his diaper yesterday at about 5 a.m. I took the dirty one off, wiped him and after getting a new diaper I turned back to Will and saw it. He’s gotten into a habit of grabbing at his diaper just above the crotch, and with the diaper removed he was finally able to get at the good. Laying on the changing table — content as can be — his right hand was firmly around his junk. Then he moved onto his coin purse and just started grabbing away like Julio Lugo during an at-bat.

I won’t lie, I was proud. I know it seems silly to be proud of a baby for finding his ding dong, but I look at it as a rite of passage. Besides, if he’s anything like his old man (or the rest of the male population), he’s likely found himself a lifelong hobby.

But unlike other milestones, I did not rush to tell my wife about this one. You see, she’s very much against the whole fondling yourself thing. If she had seen him doing it she would’ve put a stop to it immediately. I know from personal experience. She’s always saying “Aaron get your hands out of your pants!” or “Put that away, we have company over!” And I at least wanted Will’s first crotch-grabbing adventure to be unadulterated and uninterrupted.

So why do guys do this? I honestly don’t know. But I do know I do it without even thinking about it. Maybe I’m just bored or maybe it’s comforting. But I can tell you it’s a time honored tradition among men and it warmed my heart seeing my little guy playing with his wee-wee.

One day, when he’s old enough, we will spend our first Sunday together watching football. We’ll have junk food, I’ll cook some burgers on the grill and we’ll both sit on the couch with a hand down our pants a la Al Bundy, grunting and cheering for our team and ignoring Mom who will be utterly disgusted.

I’d also like to take this time to say THANK GOD I have a boy. I’m not sure how I’d fare with vaginas, boobies and periods and I think boys are 100 times easier!

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13 thoughts on “Welcome to Your Crotch, My Son

  1. As strange as it may sound, I am soooo looking forward to being able to tell these kinds of stories. I think it is hysterical!!

  2. Awwww Will – welcome to manhood. Now, be careful where you put that thing.

  3. Hehehehe! As I always say, if I had a penis, I’d never get anything done. Good for Will! Nothing’s going to stop him now.

  4. Orion did this for the first time yesterday. Thank goodness my husband happened to be right with us for that diaper change. I thought he was going to cry he was so proud.

  5. Oh yeah, I forgot great writers are never vulgar…

    Gimme a break. It’s a post about my son’s development. But if you’re really that offended by a post involving my son clutching his private parts, then I suggest you go elsewhere.

  6. i can’t believe you can include that many euphemisms for penis and still end up with a family friendly blog! funny.

  7. OMG, that story brought back memories of when my darling son found his wand & goody bag (he’s 2 now, was about your little guys age when he first discovered his stuff). LOL… My hubby too was very proud (but also slightly disturbed). To this day my hubby can’t get over just how infatuated our son was his w/ his privates. Going pee pee on the potty takes FOREVER because he just has to poke, pull, touch his wee wee in any possible before the pee can flow.

    Tell your wife to just let it happen. Trying to keep him from doing it will just help encourage him to do it even more. It’s a part of human nature, he’ll get bored of it eventually then puberty will hit & will be his best buddy again. ROFL!

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