We’ve Got a Climber

It’s Friday (thank goodness) and that means it’s time for another edition of Fatherhood Friday over at Dad-Blogs. So once you’re done here, please check out all of the talented dad (and mom) contributors over there.

Somewhere, deep down, I knew this day would come. But that doesn’t mean I’m fully prepared for it.

We have a good system for Will when it comes to letting him roam around the house. I close the doors to our bedroom, his bedroom and the bathroom so he’s got nowhere to go down into the hallway. Since our place is pretty small, I can see him wherever he goes anywhere else in the house. And if I have to go to the bathroom or do something quickly, I have no worries about turning my back for 30 seconds or so because I knew he really couldn’t get into trouble.

But when I went to the bathroom a few days ago and left Will in the living room, I came back out and found him proudly standing on the couch.

It’s official: We have a climber!

You should’ve seen the look on his face. Grinning from ear to ear, puffing his chest out triumphantly. And he was holding the remote control and gloating, because I always make sure to put it on top of the couch out of his reach. But now it appears his reach has expanded dramatically. And so has his ability to torture me.

You see, the torture children inflict on you progresses as they get older.

At first, as a newborn, it’s all mental. It’s not like they can get up and run around fresh out of the womb, so instead they just cry and cry and feed every two others and turn your brain into sludge. Then they start crawling. At first you think you can keep up with them. After all, it’s just a little baby so how fast can they crawl? The answer is faster than shit through a goose. They get into everything and they find every speck of dirt in the house to put in their mouths. You end up running around like a madman taking things away from him, yet he continually manages to find more.

Then they start cruising and pulling themselves up using different objects like coffee tables. And that means you can no longer put your cell phone, keys, etc on the table because he can grab it and anything else in his reach. They also don’t have the good sense to protect themselves so they constantly pull up and hit their heads, which means you have mini heart attacks every single time they’re upright and moving.

Next it’s on to walking and that’s when they really hit their stride in torturing you. Because it’s not so much walking as it is a drunken, crazed stumble until they really get their feet under them. They run into tables, they fall constantly and then they try to navigate steps. Parents, meanwhile, slowly start to lose their minds.

But it doesn’t get better, because after walking comes climbing. Now Will is able to climb up on couches and chairs. Then he stands at the edge of said couch and peers over, apparently contemplating whether or not he can fly. But now that he can climb I have no where to put all the stuff I don’t want him to touch. Seriously, all of our cell phones and keys and remotes are WAY up on our entertainment stand. We need a ladder just change the channel or make a call. Meanwhile Will is able to play with the shades, the window and one of these days he’s bound to take a digger right off the couch. Not to mention I think he’s starting to figure out he can partially scale the bars of his crib to launch an escape. I can only imagine how interesting it will be when we’re awakened at 2 a.m. by a loud thud, as Will climbed the walls of his prison crib like a monkey and used momentum to flip over the side.

Seriously, having a kid is like running an insane asylum. Except the patients have free reign and they’re allowed to literally climb the walls. And if you tase them or try to subdue them with straightjackets you get DSS called on you. It’s unfair really, but that’s just how it is.

Yet even given all that, I’m pretty proud of him. He looked so smug standing on that couch, and dad is impressed with how deft he is at pulling himself up.

I’m excited (and a little scared) to see what’s next.

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10 thoughts on “We’ve Got a Climber

  1. Will has no fear, and also inherited his mother’s need to know how things work and her goal-oriented outlook. Had you been luckier, he would have inherited his father’s early childhood philosophy of “I’m afaid of everything and have no desire to explore at all” and life would now be easier. Thank God for MJ! And best of luck – now the fun really begins!

  2. Congratulations and Condolences are both in order here. It’s so great he’s learning and his world is expanding, it’s exciting to see your little grow and with every new discovery he makes he becomes smarter, more vocal, happier with each triumph. However, curiosity knows no bounds, and the flexibility of walking away from 30 secs gets cut down drastically because now the chances of him getting into trouble increase, and little kids have adventurous, and I believe little boys especially are fearless. So, I am sure it’s so, so cute and I remember laughing and really enjoying seeing my boys move on to the next stage…but then the gray hairs starting poppping out. LOL!

  3. You’re lucky. My oldest started climbing out of his crib before he could walk. He’d haul himself up, put his hands over the top, grab the bars and running-from-the-police throw his legs over. I once woke up to him crying hysterically. Turned out here was under my bed, in the dark and couldn’t find his way out. That was right up there with the fecal finger painting. Good times.

  4. I don’t recall climbing being among the milestones tracked for infants but it should be. A whole new world of freedom is going open up for Will now. Your world, on the other hand, just got a bit smaller. Keep your running shoes on.

  5. My son loves to climb..He started this as soon as he started walking. He likes to climb on the outside of the stairs (along holding on the the banister), he climbs the couch, he climbs his high chair. He took one spill, but it does not stop him…We got to watch every move he makes…

    Good luck to you :D

  6. I miss that stage AND I am glad it is over with my kids. Top of the entertainment center is where all of our things went too, haha.

  7. Our oldest became a climber about two months ago. Now everytime we have friends over this conversation is had:

    “Um. Why are all your chairs turned over?”
    “Because Little Man climbs.”
    “Well, I mean, what’s the worst that could happ…OH MY GOD, LITTLE MAN’S HANGING FROM THE CHANDELIER THAT HE GOT TO BY BALANCING THE BABY WIPES BOX ON TOP OF THE PIZZA BOXES A TOP THE DINING ROOM TABLE THAT HE CLIMBED TO FROM MY CHAIR!!!!”
    “That’s why we turn our chairs over.”

    Someday they’ll learn. Meanwhile, I feel your pain.

  8. Oh man…my son’s 2 and I’m still worried about him falling from everything that he climbs on. He still hangs over the back of the couch and chairs. Good luck, I wish I could tell you it gets easier but…well…nope

  9. I can see your little man up on that couch with his chest puffed out proudly at his accomplishment! What a picture that makes. For about five seconds and then you’re lunging to catch him as he plays Superman. That’s also a picture. It’s going to be fun for him and will turn your hair gray. But, what the heck, we all need a little excitement in our lives.
    My oldest heaved herself right over the bars of her crib and we got to hear that thud. I screamed. The Mister moved faster than I’ve ever seen him move. She survived. She’s 18 now. We survived, but became old people very quickly. It’s all so much fun!

  10. And here I’ve been just waiting for my little one to start crawling. I’m starting to think that I’d be okay with her being stationary for a bit longer…

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