What Dads Really Want for Father’s Day

It’s Friday, and that means it’s time for Fatherhood Friday over at Dad-Blogs. Check out all the talented mom and dad bloggers holding down the fort over there and also look for my column at Dad-Blogs called “Debating Dad,” where I tackle some controversial issues and stir up the pot a little. Have a great weekend!

With a little more than a week to go before Father’s Day, many people are asking me — and all dads — what they’d like for a present.

If you go by ridiculous stereotypes perpetuated by dumb TV shows and Hallmark, you moms out there will buy either beer, a grill, or golf clubs. Even if we don’t drink, can’t cook and don’t play a lick of golf. And if you ask us directly, we’ll probably tell you that we don’t need a present. Our wives and our kids are the only gift we need in this topsy turvy world, and as long as we have you we’re the richest men on the planet. And you know what? That’s true. But it’s not the whole truth.

What I’m about to tell you is going to get me in trouble. Many moms out there will call me an insensitive, immature jerk who doesn’t know what he’s talking about.  But the majority of dads will be silently agreeing me and nodding their heads. Because ladies, the truth is…

We want some lovin!

That’s it, laid out plain and simple. Now keep in mind, I’m the parent of a 14-month-old. My first wish for Father’s Day is spending the day with him. But let’s face it, he’s too young to get me a gift. For the first few years, moms are the gift-givers on Father’s Day. So after he goes to bed, that’s when I’m hoping for my present.

I’ve seen some parenting gurus suggest some gifts for Father’s Day and to be honest, I just cringe. There seems to be this need to think outside the box, which may explain why some moms out there have suggested things like Kameleon aromatherapy oils and Adovia Dead Sea Mud and Salts. No offense, but if I opened a package containing mud, salt or aromatherapy oil I would feign appreciation out loud, and then secretly wonder what the hell my wife was thinking.

When it comes to what our wives give us for Father’s Day, there’s no need for them to overthink things. I want my favorite dinner. Steak and potatoes, medium rare. I want to be pardoned from doing chores on Father’s Day. And then, after the kid is in bed, I want sex. And I don’t feel the least bit guilty for saying that.

Let me be clear, only the dads who pull their weight should expect this kind of treatment. If you’re a lazy slob all year then you don’t deserve anything. Father’s Day sex should be like Christmas, because just like Santa knows if you’re naughty or nice, your wife knows if you’ve done the dishes, changed the diapers, taken out the trash, and been a good dad to your kid. This should be something that’s earned, and Father’s Day is our day of appreciation.

And it’s got so much upside. First of all, this gift isn’t costing anything. Dinner is free and you’re literally giving yourself. If you want to spend a little dough on some sexy lingerie, we’re not against that either.

And you may think I’m being crass, but really I’m not. It’s a biological fact men express themselves in a much different (and more physical) way than women. So when we long for some lovin’ all we’re really saying is we want to reconnect with you. And maybe you’re one of those couples who has kids and still manages to fornicate like rabid bunnies. If so, my hats off to you. But that’s not the case with me and I’m willing to bet I’m in the majority. So reconnecting sexually and asking for some TLC on our special day can really be beneficial for moms and dads.

Unfortunately, most dads I know would never come out and ask for this. We’re afraid of a negative reaction and being mislabeled as nothing more than horny, disgusting perverts. But for all the dads who work their asses off and take their role as a parent seriously, is it really too much to ask for some mattress dancing? I don’t think so.

Look, we’ll love anything you give us (at least we’ll say we do). And yes, it’s the thought that counts. But for most red-blooded American dads, our thoughts are on our sexy wives. So skip the cliches this year. And with the economy in the crapper, save your hard-earned money. Instead, do something that REALLY makes us feel special and remind us of all the fun we used to have in our frisky and younger days.

Happy Father’s Day guys, and best of luck.

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19 thoughts on “What Dads Really Want for Father’s Day

  1. I can confirm that Irish men appear to be similar in nature to the American variant!

    Yes – the oils and muds would get a mixed reception in my house too.

    Who is to say that this guidance applies to Fathers Day only? I would contend that TLC would be welcomely reeived on all occassions that require a gift.

  2. I second it, all of it. I think I will leave your blog open on the computer today! We too are parents of young kids and yes, I agree it is harder to make/find the time for any intimacy than it was before the little ones, especially prior to our 12 week old!

  3. And a few years down the line she can let you tie her up with all the useless ties you will have accumulated as a father. At least they’ll serve a purpose, lol.

  4. I’d agree with the overall sentiment here!

    Truth be told, I prefer not getting any gifts…. I am the kind of guy who buys what he needs, and that’s it. Sure there’s lots I’d like to have, but if I don’t ‘need’ it, I won’t get it.

    Now I can relate to what you’re describing, in that I would definitely say I am in the majority (top of the class, no doubt!).

  5. hah! I would go so far as to say that it also comes down to the type, or style of lovin that matters. But I will refrain from going into details here.

  6. I agree that Father’s Day is one of those special occasions where (good) men should get sex as a gift.

    However, I still feel the need to do something else as well. No weird oils or stuff like that…I think Father’s Day gifts should be related to the kids somehow.

  7. I hope your wife is reading this! My Hubs told me he wants to take the kids to the zoo. What’s that say about me?
    I am hoping to sneak in a nooner, but I am always hoping for that. With preschool through high school the kids often go to bed later than I.

  8. Well, I’m quite fortunate, because 98.5% of the time it’s always Christmas sex (which has been quite regular since we met almost 12 years ago).

    That’s been and will always be a priority for us. Lovin’ makes our worlds go round and we wouldn’t have it any other way.

    Get to work, daddies!

  9. Kevin, I simultaneously hate you while being completely jealous and happy for you. But mostly…I hate you!

    Sorry. Christmas was a long time ago and Mrs. Claus has gone on strike.

  10. That sounds like a great present to me. I want everything you said but I want to add the cliche of a cold beer too.

  11. I’ve no problem asking for “lovin'”. With this post I’d likely get in more trouble saying “dinner is free”. Well done.

  12. Hey this post is backwards bro. I want my wife to buy me some sexy lingerie. I want to feel sexy. Maybe a g-string or some silk boxers with a leopard print. Maybe even some leather ass-less chaps. Meow!

  13. Awesome idea! Our finances suck right now so I have been wondering what to get my husband for Father’s day. Thanks to your ideas I will have the kids “help” make his favorite dinner and he can have his present from me that night – thanks for the tips!

  14. Well, that was my plan all along, because he needs nothing, and I’m too lazy to go try to find something original. After 25 years, he gets the meal and the sex for every occasion. Badabing, badaboom…

    Hope it works out for you, Big Daddy!

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