It’s Friday, and that means it’s time for Fatherhood Friday over at Dad-Blogs. Check out all the talented mom and dad bloggers holding down the fort over there and also look for my column at Dad-Blogs called “Debating Dad,” where I tackle some controversial issues and stir up the pot a little. Have a great weekend!
With a little more than a week to go before Father’s Day, many people are asking me — and all dads — what they’d like for a present.
If you go by ridiculous stereotypes perpetuated by dumb TV shows and Hallmark, you moms out there will buy either beer, a grill, or golf clubs. Even if we don’t drink, can’t cook and don’t play a lick of golf. And if you ask us directly, we’ll probably tell you that we don’t need a present. Our wives and our kids are the only gift we need in this topsy turvy world, and as long as we have you we’re the richest men on the planet. And you know what? That’s true. But it’s not the whole truth.
What I’m about to tell you is going to get me in trouble. Many moms out there will call me an insensitive, immature jerk who doesn’t know what he’s talking about. But the majority of dads will be silently agreeing me and nodding their heads. Because ladies, the truth is…
We want some lovin!
That’s it, laid out plain and simple. Now keep in mind, I’m the parent of a 14-month-old. My first wish for Father’s Day is spending the day with him. But let’s face it, he’s too young to get me a gift. For the first few years, moms are the gift-givers on Father’s Day. So after he goes to bed, that’s when I’m hoping for my present.
I’ve seen some parenting gurus suggest some gifts for Father’s Day and to be honest, I just cringe. There seems to be this need to think outside the box, which may explain why some moms out there have suggested things like Kameleon aromatherapy oils and Adovia Dead Sea Mud and Salts. No offense, but if I opened a package containing mud, salt or aromatherapy oil I would feign appreciation out loud, and then secretly wonder what the hell my wife was thinking.
When it comes to what our wives give us for Father’s Day, there’s no need for them to overthink things. I want my favorite dinner. Steak and potatoes, medium rare. I want to be pardoned from doing chores on Father’s Day. And then, after the kid is in bed, I want sex. And I don’t feel the least bit guilty for saying that.
Let me be clear, only the dads who pull their weight should expect this kind of treatment. If you’re a lazy slob all year then you don’t deserve anything. Father’s Day sex should be like Christmas, because just like Santa knows if you’re naughty or nice, your wife knows if you’ve done the dishes, changed the diapers, taken out the trash, and been a good dad to your kid. This should be something that’s earned, and Father’s Day is our day of appreciation.
And it’s got so much upside. First of all, this gift isn’t costing anything. Dinner is free and you’re literally giving yourself. If you want to spend a little dough on some sexy lingerie, we’re not against that either.
And you may think I’m being crass, but really I’m not. It’s a biological fact men express themselves in a much different (and more physical) way than women. So when we long for some lovin’ all we’re really saying is we want to reconnect with you. And maybe you’re one of those couples who has kids and still manages to fornicate like rabid bunnies. If so, my hats off to you. But that’s not the case with me and I’m willing to bet I’m in the majority. So reconnecting sexually and asking for some TLC on our special day can really be beneficial for moms and dads.
Unfortunately, most dads I know would never come out and ask for this. We’re afraid of a negative reaction and being mislabeled as nothing more than horny, disgusting perverts. But for all the dads who work their asses off and take their role as a parent seriously, is it really too much to ask for some mattress dancing? I don’t think so.
Look, we’ll love anything you give us (at least we’ll say we do). And yes, it’s the thought that counts. But for most red-blooded American dads, our thoughts are on our sexy wives. So skip the cliches this year. And with the economy in the crapper, save your hard-earned money. Instead, do something that REALLY makes us feel special and remind us of all the fun we used to have in our frisky and younger days.
Happy Father’s Day guys, and best of luck.