When Will It End?

Less than three months ago we were betrayed by our daycare provider, who shouted (in front of the other daycare kids) that my son was awful. If you want to catch up, here’s the post but needless to say it was a terrible time and we needed to find Will a daycare provider stat.

The good news was we found someone right away. The bad news? She turned out to be an ultra-religious, gay-bashing bigot who taught my kid religion and prayer without my consent. But even though she wasn’t ideal, I figured at the very least I was taking my son to a state certified in-home daycare that would provide him with at least the basic level of care.

Turns out I was wrong.

Three days ago he came home and after an hour, said he had to pee. When we took down his pants to go to the potty his underwear had huge skid marks on them. And his ass was caked with shit. It was hard and dry and gave him a rash. She claimed he hadn’t been like that when we picked him up and I couldn’t prove otherwise. I just asked her to be extra vigilant. My wife, who is much smarter than I am, had a bad feeling the next day. So she called me and told me she was no longer comfortable with Will in this lady’s care. She literally picked up and left work in the middle of the day to get him and pull him out of there immediately.

Turns out MJ’s instincts are solid.

When she arrived at daycare Will was eating lunch. And sitting in his own feces. She slapped a check on the table for the rest of the week, told her this was Will’s last day and never looked back. When they got home Will’s ass was once again caked in crap. But this time we couldn’t get it off with wipes. We had to put him in the bath and soak it off of him. She had done it again, leaving him to sit in his own filth.

Let’s just say I told this woman off in fine fashion. Belittling an entire group of people (many of which are my gay friends and family members) in front of my son normally would’ve been the last straw. But times are tough and I stuck with her mainly because I didn’t think we could afford to go somewhere else. But when she’s leaving my kid to stew in his own shit all day? No way. Not to mention he’s completely regressed when it comes to potty training because she just allowed him to piss and shit himself all day. Now he no longer tells us when he has to go. In my opinion, she physically harmed my son. She’s lucky I didn’t burn her fucking house down.

So where does that leave us? Good question.

We’ve secured a spot at a local preschool. It’s fantastic there. It’s more of a classroom setting with a dozen or so teachers who are extremely professional. They have nothing but great reviews. I’m thrilled Will snagged the last spot. But unfortunately, the best equals the most expensive. Which means this school is going to cost an ADDITIONAL $400 a month. Yup. It’s crazy. Will’s monthly daycare bill is now on par with our mortgage payment.

I have no idea how we’re going to afford it. Neither does MJ. But at this point it doesn’t matter because this is what Will needs. And I’ve learned you can’t skimp when it comes to who takes care of your kids. So even though I’m freaked out about paying an extra $400 a month, I consider it the price of peace of mind. And in that respect, it’s worth every penny.

But you’d never know Will is going to be attending his third daycare in three months. He’s happy, healthy (minus the crazy rash on his ass thanks to Demon Daycare Lady) and making me laugh every single day. For example:

  • I jokingly called him a punk yesterday. His retort was “Not a punk Dada. I’m a brat.” Can’t argue with you there.
  • Earlier today I asked him if he had to pee. He told he didn’t. About 30 seconds later he pooped in his pants. I asked him why he lied to me and why he didn’t tell me he had to go when I asked him. You know what the little bastard said? “You asked pee Dada. Not poop.” Technically he’s right. Shame on me for not being specific.
  • He’s a Harry Potter fanatic. He says “Dumbledore,” “Quidditch” and “Harry Potter flies.” Not to mention he likes to grab makeshift wands, point it at me and shout “Avada Kedavra.” Should I be concerned that my son has already learned the Killing Curse and is trying to use it on me?

So bottom line is we have our hands full here. But that’s OK. That’s what parenting is all about. Somehow we’ll make it work. If my son doesn’t ice me with a magical spell first.

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18 thoughts on “When Will It End?

  1. that’s crazy!! :( We had some rough times with in-home daycares too, and have been happy at a daycare center now for over a year. We don’t love the cost, but it’s worth it!

  2. Oh my goodness – hopefully 3rd time’s the charm! And I hope you report that woman; she should be shut down.

  3. I learned in school today (I’m majoring in early childhood education) that approximately 80% (that’s the LOW estimate) of kids who are left with in-home daycare providers are actually harmed in some way, whether it is physically or emotionally or intellectually. That is SO sad to me. When I watch kids, I treat them like I want my children to be treated when they are left with someone else. The women that you have had the misfortune of meeting are pathetic and have no business watching small children. I second Cole – you should definitely report her. People like her rarely do anything once, and chances are that other people have had problems and just never said anything. She needs to have her licensing taken away, at the very least.
    It’s great that Will has two parents like you and MJ, who obviously know him well and stick up for him. He’s a lucky kid.

    Also? LOVE Will’s logic. He’s clever! :)

  4. I absolutely can’t believe what you’ve gone through with this daycare stuff. I can’t believe that your poor son had to go through that. I second everything Cole said, I hope this next one ends up being awesome, and I hope that other woman doesn’t stay in business.

  5. A co-worker ran into the same problem. He met with a school administrator and placed his money on the table, saying “This is all I can afford. When the economy turns around I can pay more.” The school administrator accepted the reduced payment and promised to keep the situation confidential.

    For my family, we have two children in private school and our budget is tight. We show our appreciation by being active in the school. I volunteer my marketing, writing and editing skills. Consider offering your writing and computer skills.

  6. Jenn,

    I am interested to hear where you heard that statistic. It’s a scary one. Also, do you live in Massachusetts?

  7. We have definitely had some ups and downs with daycare over the last 3 years with our 3 year old and 2 year old. We recently transitioned from an in-home to a center and I have to say, some of the changes in the kids are remarkable. Yes, we are having to sell off limbs to pay for it, but the relief we feel each and every day to have them in a healthy environment where they are being stimulated and learning SO SO much, is amazing. Will is going to do great, just as my Will is! Good luck!

  8. That is just awful! I hope you reported both of those places to the proper people! It’s tough enough to leave your kids during the day without having crappy people adding to the hard time. Really hope the preschool works out well for you all!

  9. Aaron. I can’t speak highly enough about my sons daycare. Its Kids Klub in Mashpee.. Its accredited. Its organized, secular (without going super PC… they celebrate all holidays/Birthdays)
    AND – having researched this – it’s the least expensive school in our area.
    Most of the parents are working professionals. A lot of Mashpee and Falmouth school teachers/fire fighters and police officers.

    My son has been there since he was 15 mos old. I put him on the waiting list to get in when he was less than a year old. If you want more info – email me. I really think that it would give you and MJ the peace of mind you could use right now!

    You guys need a break!

  10. EG: Thanks for the heads up. Unfortunately, Mashpee is a little too out of the way for us. My schedule is so crazy that often 1-2 times a week I can’t pick him up on time so I need my in-laws to get him. They live near the Canal in Bourne and Mashpee is too much of a hike (they’re a little older). Plus trying to get from Falmouth center to Mashpee in the summer — on time no less to pick him up — would give me fits.

    But I really appreciate the heads up and I will look into it and check it out. Thanks again!

  11. Please Please Please report this woman’s neglect to your local CCR&R: http://www.masschildcare.org/local_ccrr.html They will address the complaint and either put her on probation, or if others have complained in the past- she may lose her license.

    If other parents had reported her, you may have avoided the situation entirely… Just a thought- glad you’ve got him in a better care situation. I know the expense is INSANE…

  12. What an awful experience. I agree with everyone who said you should report this woman… nay, as a public parenting figure it is your duty to report her. Then you should blog about your reporting experience with the local authorities. Following it through and writing about it may turn your tragedy into something positive for someone else going through the same situation. I’m very happy to hear that Will is doing good in spite of having gone through this.

    You should hang a picture of Dumbledore on the wall and tell him that Dumbledore tells you whenever he’s not being truthful with his potty situation. Also, you should use the “Stupify” curse on him and watch him freeze… I can’t wait for my kids to read Harry Potter!

  13. Totally thrilled you got him into a good preschool! This whole series of situations terrifies me, as I leave my 18 month old at an in-home sitter, and have felt very lucky. You never know what’s really going on when you’re not there :/ Hopefully he will find a perfect fit! Don’t lose hope, Will’s a smart guy. He’ll get the potty thing straightened back out in no time.

  14. Report the woman and keep on plugging away. What else can you do. There has to be a place that will work for all of you.

  15. That just makes me ill to read what that woman did to Will. I am sure you have already reported her neglect to the proper authorities.

    Glad to hear you found a great (albeit expensive) place for him now. We switched DCPs this summer b/c I, like MJ, just didn’t get a good feeling about where we were taking our daughter (who just turned 9mos old). She’s in a licensed in-home daycare now that is run and staffed by actual professional care providers. She loves it there and I never have a bad feeling about the place.

  16. I totally agree call the local child authorities on this lady and get her credentials/license revoked. This is a form of child abuse. Good luck on finding something that is wonderful. I know child care can be an arm and a leg but peace of mind, to me, is priceless.

    All I know is you had better restraint than I did. See, I came from the “old school” where in the early 80s I was in 3rd grade and the MFin male gym teacher punched me in the stomach because I couldn’t do a summersault. My parents found out through other parents (I was to scared to tell) and see, my father (VERY old school Italian) decided to pay a visit–not to the school, but to the house of said gym teacher.

    And the story ends where the teacher never came back to our school. Seems he had some injuries to take care of because “oops” he fell down the flight of his cement steps when he opened the door to greet my dad.

    Yea. That’s how I roll too. Let’s hope my son never comes home with a questionable bruise, scared, crying, or caked in shit because people happen to fall down the stairs all the time. Ugh such clumsy people. :)

  17. Moral of the story: Never punch a 3rd grade girl in the stomach if you’re a 30-something male gym teacher. Karma is a bitch. :)

  18. OMG! I love Will! I hope my kids know how to AK someone when they’re 2 1/2! Although if my partner gets to them first they won’t like Harry Potter.. They’ll be WOW geeks instead.. I do feel a bit sorry for our future kids, they’re screwed.. With one Mum being an epic Sci-fi/Harry Potter/Crime TV shows geek and the other Mum being a WOW/Fable/Halo gamer geek! That and they’re gonna have two Mums.. While NZ is more accepting I still fear for my future kids!

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