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I was watching TV recently and this commercial popped up:
That is me. Always has been. My friends have always told me they never really worried about bad/strange things happening to them, because they always happened to me. When MJ married me she could not believe all the bizarre things that happen to me. And it’s made me wonder, is Will going to be like me? Is he going to have to look forward to awkward moments, stories so strange people think you make them up?
Will his “first time” involve a major league soccer game, the Macarena and a feminine hygiene product? Will his very first girlfriend at college dump him…for the fairer sex?? Will he respond to that incident by dressing up like a woman at a Halloween party, walking up to his now-turned-lesbian ex-girlfriend’s dorm room after a night of drinking (still in said lady costume), tell her off and then throw up on her door? Will he compound the situation even further by going on his friend’s radio show wasted, and then tell the whole story?
Will he end up picking a girl up at a bar who has only one eye? Will his friends then nickname her “Skull F*ck?” Will his college love break up with him, only to appear half naked on one of MTV’s stupid shows? Will his friends videotape said appearance and torture him with it constantly? When Will is hit on by an attractive woman, will he stutter his way through the conversation and end up telling her that he smells like cats?
Will he end up inadvertently hooking up with a filthy rich girl who would later be nicknamed “Sea Donkey?” And if that wasn’t bad enough, will Sea Donkey then turn around and attempt to buy his rental home and become his landlord out of spite? Will he sleepily walk downstairs when he’s 13 years old and not realize he’s standing naked in front of his mother and the wife of his reverend?
Or will he be a normal human being, like his mother, who isn’t a magnet for odd occurrences? Time will tell, but if he’s anything like his old man he’ll take it all in stride and realize those things make for GREAT stories.