There’s no two ways about it, my son is a flirt.
I’m not quite sure where he gets it, but it seems Will enjoys being the center of attention. He’s only truly happy when all eyes are on him, and therefore he’s hell bent on making eyes at everyone who walks by. This is especially true whenever we’re out in public, specifically a restaurant. So when my mom and I sat down at Ruby Tuesday’s in Raynham for a quick lunch on Monday, Will immediately began working his magic.
He waved at the couple next to us. He grinned an adorable, toothy smirk at the waitress passing by. It’s like his cuteness is a tractor beam and he just pulls people in with adorable looks, faces, sounds and gestures. And all of this was delighting me to no end, until our waiter came over to take our order.
Will looked directly at him, took the bottle of his mouth, smiled and waved at the guy. All very cute. But then my mom chimed in:
“Will, look at you flirting!”
I swear I heard the sound of a record scratching. The waiter and I shared uncomfortable looks. My mom was oblivious to the gaffe.
I love my mom. She is basically a hippie at heart sans all the weed, and she doesn’t have a mean spirited bone in her body. She makes comments without realizing what she’s saying. Like the time a bunch of us guys (as guys will do) were making fun of my brother and telling him his manhood was lacking. My mom, upon hearing the grave injustice being done to her youngest boy, immediately came to the rescue.
“You leave Nate alone, that’s not true at all. He’s got a big one!” She was referring to what the doctor told her right after Nate was born, but it didn’t matter at that point. We had even more ammo and Nate wanted to crawl under a rock. And keep in mind, we’re talking about the same woman who tried to comfort me in college when my girlfriend left me for another woman, by telling me “It’s cool to be bisexual.” Thanks mom, you’re the best!
My mom is so innocent and unassuming, which means she thinks nothing of the idea of Will flirting with a man. And why should she? It’s not like Will knows what flirting is, nevermind the difference between doing it with a man and a woman. He’s a baby, he’s just being fun.
Yet it bothered me. It bothered me like the time I came home and found out MJ had dressed Will in pink socks. It bothered me in a completely ridiculous, nonsensical, ignorant way. But it still bothered me. My mom told me I was crazy, so I asked some of my other dad friends. It bothered them too.
The thing is, I’m no homophobe. And to my gay daddy readers out there, I hope you take this in the context in which it’s meant. And really, it’s about confronting my own fears that things won’t work out with Will the way I have them in my head. You know, him being the most popular kid in school who dates the head cheerleader while leading the curling football team on to state, and then going to an Ivy League school on a scholarship as he amazingly stays out of any trouble and never gets a cold or has to go to the ER.
I mean c’mon…is that too much to ask.
But “flirting” with the waiter? No no no. Cute waiters are not in the plan. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not gay or anything but the guy was at least good looking. If Will does turn out to be gay at least I know he’s got good taste. But frankly, it’s just not something I’m hoping for. It’s like if he turns out to be a Bible thumping member of the religious right or, even worse, a New York Yankees fan. I’ll still love him no matter what, but I can’t help my preconceived notions of how I envisioned his life turning out.
But then again, I’d rather he turn out to be Rush Limbaugh’s future boy toy than worship at the altar of those pinstriped devils from the Bronx.
Anyways, we leave for Jersey on Thursday morning. But stay tuned because I plan on doing some creative blogging from the road. And word on the street is MJ is coming out of retirement and cooking up a blog post of her own. I’ll keep you posted.