With Kids, “Vacation” is Anything But

I never knew what people meant when they said “I need a vacation from my vacation.” I can’t prove it, but I’m pretty sure whoever said that was a parent.

I vividly remember what vacation used to mean before Will and the dogs arrived. MJ and I took trips to Arizona, the Bahamas or we just jumped in the car and drove to the Berkshires, New Hampshire or Maine on a fairly regular basis. Did we have a hotel room? Nope. Did we have a plan? Not usually. We just drove and drove and drove. Wherever we ended up was just fine with us. Sometimes MJ wouldn’t even tell me we were taking a vacation. She’d just pack a bag, pick me up in the car and off we went. It was fantastic.

Now? Not so much.

I have this week off from work. On Thursday, we leave for New Jersey to go to my brother-in-law’s wedding, and we’ll be there until next Monday. But trying to get everything taken care of before Thursday has proven more difficult than a NASA space shuttle launch.

Thankfully, my parents have volunteered to take Will that whole time. We pretty much owe them our lives thus far, because each and every time we’ve needed some help with Will they’ve stepped up to the plate. I honestly don’t know what we’d do without them. Unfortunately, Will is only the beginning.

We have two dogs. I can’t ask my parents to take the kid AND the dog, plus my mom is allergic. But kenneling two dogs for five days is EXPENSIVE! I looked into some pet sitting services too, where people come to your house three times a day, stay overnight in your house or your pets stay in their house. First of all, the thought of some stranger coming into the house is a little off putting. So the thought of a stranger sleeping overnight in our house is even less appealing. Not to mention they all charge like $75 a night for that service.

Luckily we have terrific friends in addition to wonderful family. My co-worker Stephanie has graciously volunteered to take Haley during that time, because Haley and her dog Lina love to play together. However, Fenway is a different story because…well, no one wants Fenway, the dalmatian. And I don’t blame them. I love the damn dog, but she’s horrible.

She wakes up everyday at 3:45 a.m. and demands to be fed by barking and growling. She not only sleeps on the bed, she needs to sleep under the covers. She also takes a spot on the couch while we’re watching TV. And she farts more than any other dog I’ve ever seen. Sometimes she even wakes herself up she farts so loud.

So we need professional help with Fenway, but that costs money. So for the next two days I’ll be feverishly researching pet sitters who can take her for a reasonable price. But that’s going to be difficult because even though I’m on vacation, I’ll be working harder than ever taking care of Will with little help from MJ. She’s in the wedding and apparently it’s a rule that bridesmaids need to leave every detail until the last minute. So¬† over the next three days MJ will be getting her hair done, using her SpaFinder gift certificates with her mother to get massages and pedicures/manicures, taking her dress back to the consignment shop (for the second time because she’s anal and still thinks they “stitched it wrong”) while I find someone who can Satan Dog for five days care for my son.

And let’s not even delve into the fact that she’s going to be a mess leaving Will for five days. We’ve left him with people for a night or two, but never this long. It’s going to be tough on her I’m sure.

As for me? I’ll be fine. I’ll be all good. It’s no big deal not seeing him for five days. He’ll be having too much fun with his grandparents to miss me. No problem at all. I’ll barely even think about it…

Is any of that convincing? Yeah…didn’t think so. It’s going to be hard all around.

But the good news is, since I’m addicted to blogging and there’s no way I could leave all of you for that long, you’re all coming with us to New Jersey. I’ll blog from the road, from the hotel…hell I may even bring the laptop into the (open bar) wedding!

Stay tuned.

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11 thoughts on “With Kids, “Vacation” is Anything But

  1. Seven hours of open bar and you think that you’ll be sober enough to blog? Now THAT is a blog entry I can’t wait to read…

  2. If I didn’t think my landlord would pitch a fit, I’d soooo take the dog. That sounds like the perfect combination of issues to stop my children from requesting a dog.

  3. Everybody always blame loud farts on the dog….:(

    Have a safe trip … drivers on I95 and the GSP are NASCAR wannabe’s

  4. Go back even further and remember trips as a single man. Most times the ideas for those trips were children of a drunken stupor. Good times.

  5. You know, even without kids, vacations for me still are complicated. My wife packs enough clothes and spare shoes to outfit a small army.

  6. That is exactly why I have vowed to go NOWHERE until my kids are at least 5 years old. My husband and I tried a couple of trips when we just had 1 child and we wanted to commit suicide the whole time we were gone. We also had to find both of our dogs new, loving homes after the babies arrived because they were crazy, unruly things and although we loved them to pieces, we could not mentally handle the added stress. We had an English Bulldog and an American Bulldog/Pitbull Mix and I can GUARANTEE you the English Bulldog farted way more than your Fenway. He would also snort and snuff NONSTOP and then hock up loogies and spray them on the walls. He also thought he was a lap dog and at 65 pounds would come flying up out of nowhere to “snuggle” in the Laz-y-boys with us. $75 bucks a night? Yep, pretty typical for us too… Dogs and kids can definitely screw up the idea of a “vacation”, which is why God makes them both so darn cute and gives you so much love for them you can’t just ditch them on the front stoop of the orphanage (or the Humane Society). Oh…and even without the kids and dogs, weddings SUCK! I have been through more weddings in the last 5 years that any woman should ever endure. Of course they are supposed to be the happiest day of someone else’s life, which means pure torture for everyone else involved. Geez I’m especially optimistic today! Good luck with your “vacation”……….. You might want to have an extra drink while you’re there to ease the pain of it all! =-)

  7. T.B.I.L.- I’m with you. I’m thinkin the laptop is gonna go to the wayside. I do hope to ensure his face is plenty red whenever possible. See all ya’ll soon.

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