You Shouldn’t Say That Word

Kids are great. Or at least that’s what I keep telling myself.

But as they rapidly advance from diapers and immobility to ambulating all on their own and developing amusing little personalities, there’s a downside. Namely, they start forming their own opinions and proceed to share those opinions with you at every turn. Not only that, but then they start telling you what’s what.

Will has learned what is and isn’t appropriate to say. Which is good for the most part. The thing that sucks is he’s like a little language Nazi, not letting us get away with anything anymore.

The following conversation has occurred every single day for the last month or so, in some form.


ME: “Honey, can you turn the TV on?”

WILL: “Dada, you forgot to say please.”

ME: “You’re right Will, I’m sorry. Honey, can you turn the TV on PLEASE?”

WILL: “Thank you Dada.”

MJ: “Sure, what do you wanna watch?”

WILL: “Ummm, excuse me Dada?”

ME: “Yes Will?”

WILL: “When I say thank you you didn’t say ‘you’re welcome.'”

ME: “Right again Miss Manners. Will, you are most very welcome.”

MJ: “What do you wanna watch??”

ME: “Can you put the Red Sox on—PLEASE?!”

MJ: “Why do you torture yourself? They stink!”

WILL: “Excuse me Mama?”

MJ: “Yes Will?”

WILL: “You shouldn’t say stink. It’s not nice.”

MJ: “I’m sorry Will, you’re right. I take it back.”

ME: (witnessing another John Lackey meltdown) “Son of a—! This team is KILLING me!”

WILL: “Dad! Don’t say kill. It’s mean.”

ME: “No, what’s mean is keeping me alive while the Red Sox blow a 9-game lead in September. If it wasn’t for this stupid team I might not be going bald!”

WILL: “Excuse me Dada—”

ME: “I know, I know. I shouldn’t say stupid, right?”

WILL: “Well, stupid is not nice.”

MJ: “Will, stop bothering dad. You know how he gets when the game is on.”

ME: (watching Carl Crawford underperform during another at-bat) “C’mon Crawford!! Will you please HIT THE BALL?!?”

WILL: “Excuse me—”

ME: “Oh c’mon Will. I didn’t say anything bad on that one. What could I have possibly said to offend your delicate sensibilities??”

WILL: “Dada, it’s mean to hit.”

ME: “No buddy, I don’t mean hit someone else. I’m talking about hitting the baseball with the bat. Remember, like when we’re out in the yard and I pitch to you? Yesterday you absolutely killed that ball and—”

WILL: “Dada, you shouldn’t say kill.”

ME: “Wow. Now I know what Jack Nicholson’s character in The Shining felt like.”

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8 thoughts on “You Shouldn’t Say That Word

  1. Got to love the Boomerang effect of your well intentioned lessons of etiquette. My wife and I find ourselves being “corrected” at all hours of the day. Sort of like raising your very own representative from the censorship board. We find ourselves whispering a lot more out of earshot of the uncanny hearing of the kiddies. Good times. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing sir.
    Vincent | @CuteMonsterDad recently posted..Happy 75th Birthday Jim HensonMy Profile

  2. Dont have kids, but a niece and nephew. The thing that killed me when driving them around was “stupid” How do you not say stupid while driving?

    PS – HAHA

  3. I am just awaiting the day that my son really starts talking and correcting us.

    We have a friend whose daughter went through a stage where if you said a “bad” word, she would take your picture or at least pretend to.

    We’re sorry to see the season end as it did too. All part of being a member of Red Sox Nation, I suppose.
    Becca recently posted..Sports, Simplification, and other Non-baby DiversionsMy Profile

  4. LOL!! You bring back memories. I swore up and down our first kid was going to grow up and run the “Freakin FCC”.

  5. Hey,
    I got kicked out of pre-school for biting the shit out of a bunch of kids and a teacher. I turned out normal and well adjusted, so no worries!

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